


One Last Time

by yasminakohl



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Broken Steve, I'm Sorry, I'm going to Hell with two l's, Suicide, What Have I Done, dark bucky, natasha being natasha, observant Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 21:48:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5886565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yasminakohl/pseuds/yasminakohl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Soilder's deal might just be more than Steve can keep giving. </p>
<p>Reading Wolfinglet's remember (there's something here) isn't required but it will defiantly help to understand how truly mean this plot bunny is. </p>
<p>http://archiveofourown.org/works/453438</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Last Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wolfinglet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfinglet/gifts).
  * Inspired by [remember (there's something here)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/453438) by [wolfinglet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfinglet/pseuds/wolfinglet). 



Natasha notices it first but doesn't say anything. The last few months had been harder on Steve than anyone else. He was allowed time to re-re-evaluate life. 

Tony noticed it almost as quickly as Natasha but kept it to himself, mostly for the same reasons as Natasha. But when FRIDAY tells him that Steve had started coming to the tower bruised and battered but he hadn't been in a battle, on a mission or in training, Tony started to worry.

Tony realized that Steve rarely slept at the tower, but he was always there first thing in the morning. 

Natasha asked Steve if he was having trouble sleeping again, the dark circles showing up. His answer was to shrug and say he was sleeping the same. Then Natasha is gone on an undercover op and wouldn't be back in the foreseeable future. 

Tony seemed to be the only one to notice that the body impersonating Steve was getting worse at it. He wondered if this is how Steve was pre-serum. Quiet, withdrawn, maudlin? 

Pre-HYDRA/SHIELD fall Steve would have told a story here or there about Bucky or about Bucky and the Commandos, now it was only ever about the Commandos, if he said anything at all.

Tony tried to keep his nose out of it, but at the four month mark he couldn't anymore. Something was quite literally eating away at Steve. Serum or not, he's lost weight. He holds up fine in a fight but he slept for hours after each fight. In the tower. And never at his apartment, the one he'd been so excited to get, the one blocks from the place he use to share with Barnes. 

Tony caught Steve staring at his hand the last night. The look on his face was as if the hand didn't belong to him. Tony was sure to make some noise so he wasn't on the receiving end of whatever flashback the super solider might be stuck in. Steve didn't jerk or flinch, only let his hand fall to the counter and looked out the big window to his left.

Tony walked slowly and carefully over to Steve and set his hand on his shoulder. "I've seen that face before. A thousand times actually." Tony waited to see if Steve would respond. He didn't. "Still see it sometimes. It's the face of someone who's lost something. Themselves."

Steve shrugged. 

"What did you see that you that lost yourself?"

Steve shook his head. He couldn't answer. If he talked about it, well, then it was real. It wasn't just a nightmare.

Tony saw Steve shirt move when he shook his head. The bruise over his shoulder was hand shaped, you could just make out the outline of fingers wrapping over Steve's left shoulder, the fingers curling down towards Steve's chest. The lines in the bruise made Tony's heart sink and break for Steve.

There was only one left hand in the world that would leave marks like that on Steve's skin, and it was currently attached to the former childhood friend of one Captain Steven Grant Rogers. 

"Stay here tonight." Tony said, let his hand fall gently over the bruise of Steve shoulder, his weak flesh fingers spreading out to mirror the bruise left by strong metal ones.

Steve shook his head again. "Can't." His voice rough and ragged. 

"Can. No one can get to you here, you know that."

"That's why I can't." Steve whispered. "If-" Steve voice caught, "if I'm not there, they'll kill all of you." He couldn't even admit that there was no "they" anymore. It was just him.

"We've fought them before. We will again. Stay."

Steve had always been stubborn, "No." With another shake of his head, "I can't be the reason you all die."

Tony felt the anger bubble up, but he pushed it down, as much as he could. He turned Steve around on the barstool, surprised that he could. "Now you know how I felt after Wanda screwed with my head. I saw you die. Everyone one of you. You told me, you," Tony pointed to Steve's chest, "you said I should have done better, should have saved you. Then you died, at my fingertips." Tony held out his hand, Steve looked to it and swallowed. "Let me save you." Tony whispered.

Steve looked up at Tony and Tony could see the fractures throughout Steve's soul. He was bleeding out in front of him, just like in the nightmare. Only this time it was Steve's soul bleeding not his body. 

"He came to me-" Steve breath caught, his throat dry and torn. "Said," Steve closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to look at Tony, but then it was Buc- The Winter Solider's face he saw, and he opened them again, instead looking back over his shoulder, out the window, "he asked what I would do for you all. I told him anything. When I asked what he wanted his answer was me, whenever he wanted, however he wanted. Or he would follow his mission and slit all of your throats and bathe in your blood." Steve shrugged, when he looked back, it was over Tony's shoulder. He couldn't, wouldn't make himself meet Tony's gaze. 

But Tony had other ideas and put his hands on either side of Steve's face and tip it up until he had no choice but look at Tony. 

"No." Was the only word Tony spoke for several moments. "No. None of us are more important than you."

Steve shuddered and tried to pull away from Tony. Tony was surprisingly strong. "You are just as important as us. We are a team. We will help. We will stop this. Can we get him back, I don't think so." Tony whispered. "We can try for you if you want."

Steve was blank. He missed Bucky like he missed everything from his old life. But could he see past these last four months and see only his friend now? 

"You don't have to tell me right now. But you are not leaving the tower tonight. FRIDAY."

"Yes Boss. Cap stays in the tower. Valkyrie protocol enacted."

Steve flinched at the name but kept quiet.

"Seemed fitting when I came up with it. Figured you'd give me the cold shoulder if I ever had to use it. Come on, let's get some liniment and ice on that, then into a bed."

Steve didn't respond, he did follow Tony. But it wasn't his floor Tony took him to, it was the penthouse floor. "Go lay on the bed. I'll be right there." Tony said gently, pushing Steve in the direction of his bedroom. 

Steve let the fugue state fill him with emptiness, dropping into the oversized bed. He took his shirt off and waited.

He didn't have to wait long, however the sounds he heard were behind him.

"This ain't the deal." The voice growled.

Steve waited for the blinding pain, waited for it to be over. Instead he heard the whir of a repulser. Several repulsers.

"Want to see if your faster than FRIDAY?" Tony said stepping into the room, gauntlet on one hand, ice in the other.

The growl returned. 

Steve stood up and moved next to Tony. He tried one more time to get through to the man who had once been his everything. "Bucky please. Don't. You can't win here. You have to know that. You had to know that when you broke in. Please just stand down. Let us help you. Let me help you."

The growl continued. Steve heart died. His friend was gone. He had died all those years ago in the Alps. 

"Please." Steve shook his head. "Please don't make me do this Bucky. I've lost everything. Don't let this be the end of our line. Please." Steve sobbed. His legs buckled, dropping him to the floor. "Please. You have to remember everything we meant to each other. They couldn't have stripped everything from you, there has to be something left." Steve begged. " Please."

The growl stopped. 

Steve's heart beat for a second. "Please, you jerk." 

The voice spoke again, "Punk?" Grey eyes blinked, fuzzy, then clear, then fuzzy again. 

Steve watched as Bucky shook his head. The gun was up, but not in a way that could be harmful to anyone in the room.

"This isn't the end of the line, you jerk. It can't be." Steve tried again.

Bucky growled again but this time it was more in pain that in intimidation. 

Steve rose to his feet, his entire body revolting at the idea of moving. But he'd mastered making his body do thing it didn't want to decades ago. He slowly walked to where Bucky stood. He reached out and pulled the gun free from Bucky's hand. He popped the clip out and dropped it to the floor, kicking it behind him. He pulled the knives he could see from the tac vest and dropped each one to the floor and slid them away. 

"Please, Bucky. You jerk. Let this be over for you. Stop letting them win." 

Bucky jerked away stumbling and falling to his knees mirroring Steve a moment ago. 

"Stevie?" 

Steve waited to see what he would do, was this real or a trick. He almost wished it was a trick and then it would all be over.

He knelt down. "Yeah?"

"When'd you get so big?" 

Steve forced air into his lungs. "About eighty years ago."

"Sure, punk. And I'm a robot."

Steve reached out and pulled the glove off of Bucky's hand, ripped the sleeve of the shirt off.

Bucky scrambled backwards again until his back hit the wall. "Oh fuck." Bucky jerked and looked up at Steve, eyes wide. "Oh fuck." He said again. "Oh fuck." His eyes huge. "Oh my god I shot you. I shot you." 

"I know."

Bucky jerked again and he slapped a hand over his mouth. "I... No... I ... Oh god what did I do? Oh fuck. I ra-" 

"No Bucky. It wasn't you then. Please." 

"No. No. No." 

It happened to fast for Steve to stop. There was a glint of silver then in was gone. The knife hidden in the fold of the tac vest, now in the side of Bucky's neck.

Steve will never know how he got to Bucky's side, will never remember it. But he was there, Bucky in his arms. Tears streaming down both their faces.

Steve rocked back and forth, because he knew Bucky was gone. There was no bring him back now. Even their advanced healing couldn't handle a three inch blade.

"Why? Why?" Steve whispered.

"Gotta make it right." Bucky coughed.

"This wasn't making it right." 

"Will be real soon punk." Bucky raised his left hand and brushed Steve's cheek. A bloody hand print left behind as it fell away and Bucky's eyes fluttered closed for the last time.

Steve sobbed, he held Bucky close and cried for his friend.

He cried the way he'd really never gotten to in Germany. 

He cried for everything he'd lost. 

He cried for the never were's and would never be's. 

He laid Bucky on the floor of Tony's bedroom. 

He pulled the knife from Bucky's throat.

Tony held out a hand.

Steve looked at the fingers extended, waiting. 

He looked at the silver and for just a moment wondered.

He set the knife in Tony's hand and laid down next to Bucky, one last time. 

One last time to remember the sound of his everything's laugh.

One last time to remember the years of love and happiness between them. 

One last time to remember everything good about the man once named James Buchanan Barnes. 

One last time to forget everything about the monster once called The Winter Solider.

**Author's Note:**

> So I read Wolfinglet's remember (there's something here) and this evil mean rotten little plot bunny (no I'm going to call it a plot maggot) showed up.
> 
> Then I end up writing it at midnight and crying and scaring the crap out of the kid for being up still, when the cat decided the scare her by scratching her window, wanting in. 
> 
> And then I'm sitting there in the dark thinking "Holy Fuck I wrote a Dark Bucky. Make it go away."
> 
> But it's still here...


End file.
